Sickbed Stories

SO, DO I FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF?

PART I: How did I know I had cancer?

I found a lump on my neck in May of 1996. When it swelled to the size of a softball on a Sunday morning I went to the emergency room, only to be told by a tired, busy, resident that it was ” just an infected lymph node, very common, probably I had a cold or something.” He prescribed Amoxicillin which I refused. The swelling was very painful and it and the doctors attitude left me feeling very upset, but it got better within a week, and I determined to put it out of my mind. The lump never completely disappeared and I noticed several times it would swell slightly but didn’t think about it till September of 1996 when my skin began to itch fiercely. When my kids began to comment on my constant scratching, “lets call her itchy…hee! hee!”, and I had bleeding areas on my arms from scratching, I went to the doctor. He gave me Hismanal and had me out the door in under 5 minutes. At the time that was fine, it was just a case of allergies, right? However, the Hismanal didn’t help at all even though I really wanted it to.

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Just thought I’d share with all of you a wonderful experience I had yesterday. I went to the ocean here in San Diego and it was so beautiful outside. It was around 77 degrees and the water was around 70. There was a slight breeze and the beaches weren’t too crowded. I went with my friend Roxanne and her boyfriend/surferdude Oden. I brought a giant parasol and sat underneath it in the shade (my skin has not been the same since radiation). I just laid on the sand and listened to the crash of the waves and the crowing of the seagulls and the laughs of the nearby children.

Then I decided to jump into the crashing surf and wash away all of my frustration and tension. It was my first time back into the water since radiation, my burns are finally healed. It was so incredible; the taste of the salt water, the weightless floating and being rocked by the gentle currents. I played in the surf and swam into the deep waters, letting the ocean cradle me and rock me.

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